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10 Life Hacks for Total Jerks

at 2:51 pm | By


Jerk at front of ATM line

Credit: Shutterstock

Want to make your life easier? Be an ass! The world is so much easier when you show zero empathy. Here are 10 great life hacks you can use to be a total jerk.

Cut in Line
Now you’re always at the front of the line!

Running Out of Toilet Paper? Take the Last Roll into Your Room!
Let your roommate buy the next roll and also every other roll always.

Don’t Do Dishes.
This one works really well if you live with a passive germaphobe.

Be Rude To Waiters
This might actually make the service you receive worse than if you were nice, but everyone you’re eating with will know you’re someone that deserves respect.

Stuck in Traffic? Ride the Shoulder and Cut Everyone Off.
Why follow the rules of the road when you can just skip ahead of a bunch of other losers? Besides, this way you get home faster which means you can start watching your Entourage DVD box sets faster.

Say “Excuse You” if You Ever Bump Into Someone
Make sure other people feel bad for your mistakes.

Piss on Toilet Seats
Take 2 seconds and lift up the seat? I don’t think so pal. My pee goes wherever it wants. This is a harder hack for lady hackers to master, but just squat a little higher than usual and you too can inconvenience and gross out whoever uses the bathroom after you.

Microwave Fish
At home? At the office? Doesn’t matter. Stink up wherever you are so you can have your leftover salmon. You need omega threes to help you decide which fedora looks best with your outfit.

Mad at Your Significant Other? Argue with Them in Front of Your Friends!
Who has time to find a private place and have a constructive conversation about your feelings? People with un-hacked lives that’s who. Yell at your boyfriend or girlfriend in front of whoever’s around, it’ll make you feel better and everyone else awkward.

Be Born Rich!
This one’s the ultimate life hack. Do this simple little trick and you can treat anyone as sh*tty as you like for the rest of your life!

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