“David, this is your mother.”
I’m sure you’re real interested in this article, eh? I bet you just love ignoring your poor mother, all alone while you’re studying away in med school. You’re just so busy you can never answer. I bet these are your little hacks so you don’t have to tell me you love me for once.
1. Turning your ringer off.
I bet you keep your phone on silent. I can’t imagine you would hear your phone ringing and just ignore it, ESPECIALLY when it shows your mother is calling. I know what caller ID is, David.
2. Pretending you’re “away” on Skype.
I see you’re signed onto skype. But, of course, when I try to skype call you so I can SEE YOUR FACE, you coincidental go “away.” That’s strange. I’m sure you wouldn’t “go away” for your girlfriend Kelly. You know she’s adopted, right?
3. Not accepting my friend request on Facebook.
You accepted your sisters. And she shows me your profile. It shows you accepting all kinds of friend requests. From some man names Randy to a woman named Jillian. Well Jillian looks like a floozy, David. But you wouldn’t know what I thought because you won’t accept my requests.
4. Ignoring my texts.
I learned to use emojis, David. Did you see my smiling cat, train, sunset, thumbs up? I know you did because my phone shows me when you read messages!
5. Turning of “Read Messages”
Very funny. I know you saw my texts, but now it doesn’t show when you read them. You think you can trick me but you can’t!
6. Pretending there’s bad reception when I call from my neighbor Linda’s house.
You picked up because you didn’t recognize the number, but don’t fool me with this “You’re breaking up, I’ll call you later” crap. We have Verizon, don’t you know they have amazing reception at your school? Of course you do, the woman that pulled you out of her WOMB told you so.
7. Changing your phone number.
Who’s Domino and why does he keep trying to sell me pizza? Did you change your number? David, where are you? Answer me, David? Would it kill you to call me?
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