“Hopefully they ask for a ridiculous ransom one day…”
Brittany Mugrauer, who is accused of locking her 4 and 6-year-old children in a wooden shipping crate explained to authorities that her abusive behavior was an attempt to giver her children “the best super villain origin story possible.”
The Kansas City woman, who has attended more job interviews at strip clubs than parent teacher conferences, rationalized her behavior by saying “Even if I tried to raise my kids well, I’d do a bad job. Best case scenario? They work part time at a bowling alley or something. But if I really f*ck them up? The sky’s the limit! They might get their own two-part Dateline series.”
Mugrauer’s mother, who gave birth to Brittany in a port-a-potty at a Motley Crue concert while smoking Virginia Slim 100’s, approves of the way her grandchildren are being raised.
“Look, no one in our family is smart, but we are ruthless and selfish. Why waste my grandbabbies’s time in school when they could be developing an uncompromising hatred of humanity that will destine them for criminal greatness locked in a crate?”
When asked for their opinion of being locked in a crate, Dylan and Monster Energy Drink Jr. Mugrauer, bit reporters and stole their wallets.
Atta boy, right? SHARE if you agree!