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Adele Almost Loses Enough Weight

Nov 4, 2015 at 2:50 pm |
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Bros across the country won’t quite allow singer to have sex with them.

Adele singing

Credit: Leon Neal/Getty Images

Following the release of her new video for the song “Hello,” a survey of bros everywhere concluded that Adele has almost lost enough weight.

The British songstress has been open about her focus on a healthier lifestyle, adopting a vegetarian diet and increasing her exercise since 2013, but it wasn’t until her new song entered the mainstream that a plethora of shallow men were faced with the important decision: “would I have sex with Adele?”

Gino Guccioni, of Staten Island, concluded that he would not do Adele the honor of engaging in intercourse.
“Hey look, good fa’ her fa’ getting her life togethah and stop eatin’ all them cheesecakes and what not, but fa’ me, no way, she’s still too big,” he said in between bench press reps in his mother’s driveway.

David Barnes, a junior at Arizona State University, disagreed, saying “She might not be my first choice, but after 6 jager bombs? If no one else will bang me? Yea, I’d take her home. She’d have to leave before my roommates woke up though, I’ve already hit my porker limit for the semester and I don’t want the whole frat to find out.”

Adele could not be reached for comment. Think Adele has lost enough weight? SHARE this with your friends.

Would they say this about a man?

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