News so real... it probably isn't

Apple Really Happy Taylor Swift Didn’t Mention Suicide Rate in iPhone Factories

at 5:27 pm | By
Taylor Swift on Stage

(Photo by Getty / Christopher Polk)

Pop singer Taylor Swift was able to stop Apple from refusing to pay artists during a free trial period of their new streaming service Apple Music. After writing a letter to Apple on her Tumblr, Apple Senior Vice President of Internet Software and Services Eddy Cue replied with a Tweet.

What Cue didn’t mention on Twitter, but later mentioned to us, was how relieved he was for Swift not to mention the devastating suicide rate of its employees in iPhone factories. “We’re really glad Taylor is watching out for herself. And even happier that she could care less about the many employees with tiny hands that are launching themselves off the sides of our factories.”

“As a thank you for not mentioning the torturous conditions of our oversea ‘pals’ we even gave her a higher percentage of royalties for her music. It was no big deal, we just lowered the wages of all our ‘pals’ to accommodate. Anything for Taylor!” Cue added.