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Apple Releases New iPod for Poor Losers Without iPhones

at 6:40 pm | By

Apple has unveiled a new iPod for losers who can’t afford an iPhone.

(Photo by Twitter / Forbes)

(Photo by Twitter / Forbes)

This week, Apple released an entirely new generation of iPods, from the Shuffle to the Touch. This was in effort to help all the poor suckers out there who can’t afford an iPhone.

Of course, there’s practical uses for an iPod, like allowing others to determine who’s cool (those with iPhones) and who belongs in a ditch (those with an iPod). Other uses include proof of poverty to apply for welfare and working out, I guess.

Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, said these new iPods, “give the opportunity to help not only those who can’t afford an iPhone but ones with so little friends that they actually don’t need a phone.”

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