CUPERTINO, CA – As Apple CEO Tim Cook took the stage, the crowd of tech bloggers, Apple Evangelists, and parents’-basement-dwellers fell silent in eager anticipation of the executive’s long-anticipated announcement of the iPhone 6 Plus 2X. The soon-to-be-released smartphone is rumored to have exactly the same functionality, capability and features of its predecessor, the iPhone 6 Plus, but with one not-so-small difference: it’s twice as big.
“Today, we are beyond excited and proud to unveil the latest product from Apple, the iPhone 6 Plus 2X”, Cook began, as the skinny jeans of the crowd got a little tighter in the front. He continued: “This phone, if you really want to slight this device by calling it that, will revolutionize our daily lives. The way we communicate, the way we eat, sleep, walk, even breathe.”
“Our product marketing team spent countless hours devising the name, “2X”, and we really feel it speaks to the soul of the device,” said Cook, as he produced the tablet-sized phone from a customized carrying satchel that will be sold separately from the phone, which will retail for a relatively modest $1400.
The press conference continued on for another hour, with the rapt audience hanging on the Jobsian disciple’s every word, until a seemingly skeptical “reporter” asked “what the big deal was?” He was quickly escorted from the room by a team of blue-shirted security Geniuses, and never heard from again.