News so real... it probably isn't

Bandits Bare Buns in Bungled Burger Burglary

at 2:00 pm | By

 

Hamburger burglars

Barely Legal Buns (Photo by ArtOfPhoto / jeffreyw)

A failed feast fleece left Rochester residents reeling and repulsed.

Nathan Nettle and Neil Neman were nailed for a night of nefarious nonsense that netted nothing but notoriety.

The bumbling bare-bottomed burglars broke into Big Bill Blaskey’s Butcher & Burger Barn to bring bundles of barely braised beef back to their beige Buick. The calamitous couple counted on commandeering carts for carrying the caper’s catch, but couldn’t command the cart’s crusty caulk-caked casters and crashed while crossing the cratered concrete.

The larcenist’s Londoner lawyer labeled the lifted loot laughably light for felony filings and deemed the duo’s detainment dreadfully daft.

Share