“He tasted Muslim.”
Famed survivalist Bear Grylls consumed the 44th President of the United States yesterday, during a trek through the Alaskan Wilderness.
President Obama’s hike with the television personality started well enough. The pair seemed to be enjoying themselves, taking numerous selfies while filming an episode of Running Wild with Bear Grylls. That lasted until things got dire and Grylls, after weighing all of his options, decided he needed to eat the President to survive.
“I knew after he repeatedly refused to drink his own piss, he had lost the will to live. He wasn’t going to make it through our grueling, 1.5 mile hike, so I ate him for the good of the group,” Grylls told reporters.
Witnesses from the scene reported that Obama’s last words were “Bear, no please, I can see the campsite, it’s right ther–”
When a reporter asked Grylls why he chose to eat Obama, rather than have a granola bar from the craft services table, Grylls ate the reporter.
And washes him down with a tall glass of urine