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Ben Affleck to Star, Direct, Write, and Ruin Batman Movie

at 6:00 pm | By

boston batman

(Photo by Warner Bros. / Photofest / Getty Maddie Meyer)

Sources within Warner Brothers indicate that Ben Affleck has reached an agreement with the studio to star, direct, write, and ruin a new Batman Movie. Affleck — who was a super weird choice just to play Batman, let alone be the driving creative force behind a new Batman movie — is thrilled for the opportunity to make a film that won’t be as good as any of the Christopher Nolan or Tim Burton ones.

Affleck, who secretly just hopes he won’t be as bad as George Clooney, plans to put his personal spin on the iconic character.

“I got three words for you: Batman in Boston! Pretty good right? Oh and we’re totally gonna reboot Robin’s backstory. Yeah, now he’s gonna be a janitor that’s actually a math genius that also fights crime.”

The Farce Report has obtained an exclusive, advance copy of the Affleck screenplay. Here’s a taste of what fans of the Dark Knight can expect from this latest installment of the franchise.

JOKER
Batman, ya wicked screwed kid
BATMAN
Piss of Jokah, I ain’t gawt time fah this, the Sawx are on!

JOKER
Yankees suck.

BATMAN
True.

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