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Bicyclist Gang Fight Injures None

at 12:00 pm | By
Hipster bicycle gang

(Photo by shutterstock / istock / pinkypills)

AUSTIN, TX – Just a few weeks removed from the gang violence that left 9 dead in Waco, Texas, more biker gang violence has erupted in the Lone Star State.

This time, however, the sparring gangs rode bicycles and the “violence” left 0 dead and 0 injured. In fact, the only person that required medical attention was a bystander who tripped while filming the spandex-clad slap-fight on his cell phone.

Tension between The Organic Peddlers and Go To Hellmet gangs has been building for months after a standoff at a local farmers market. Witnesses say the two factions of frail, balding white men began making vaguely rude remarks to one another when a dispute over a loaf of sourdough bread got somewhat out of hand.

Police at the scene of the clash momentarily stopped laughing when they found what was thought to be a switchblade knife, but it turned out to be a switchblade comb.

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