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Brave Man Uses Imagination to Jerk Off

at 5:13 pm | By

“How did our forefathers do this?”

 

brave man using imagination

Credit: TJFritz

Stuck in a Holiday Inn in Cleveland with very spotty wifi, brave hero Brandon Aberg used his imagination to pleasure himself, early this morning.

“I called the front desk six or seven times throughout the day, and each time they assured me someone would fix it. Well, by 1 am, I realized I was on my own. If I was going to jerk off I was going to have to take matters into my own hands,” a sleepy, satisfied Aberg told reporters.

“I’ll be honest with you guys, it wasn’t easy. It took everything I had in the spank bank. College girlfriends, my middle school biology teacher, the one girl at the bank that wore her hair in braids sometimes– hell, I even thought about my wife for like 30 seconds.”

Despite the wide array of past experiences Aberg drew on to pleasure himself, it was ultimately his imagination that most aroused him. Reports indicate imagining a lady with large breasts, wings, and the voice of Morgan Freeman flying around his head and calling him a “good for nothing pansy” is what ultimately led him to climax.

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