A report conducted by a group calling themselves The Regular American Dudes of Cincinnati has concluded that local British man, Edward Mollner, is really coasting on his accent. The RADC, which is comprised of Mollner’s male co-workers, neighbors, and acquaintances, finds the former Londoner to be of relatively average looks, talents, and intellect, and thus can only attribute the above average amount of women he is currently sleeping with to “an unfair advantage caused by the dumb way he talks.”
The head of the RADC, Chad, told reporters “No I’m not just mad he had sex with my ex-wife. I guess instead of wasting my time working on my personality and becoming a well rounded person, I should’ve been learning how to talk like an extra from Downtown Abbey. Then maybe Katie wouldn’t have left me.”
At press time, Chad was fuming after watching a group of women giggle at the way Mollner said the word “schedule,” even though, within the sentence, he said “My schedule is free because I don’t have a job and live with my parents.”
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