News so real... it probably isn't

Busted: Man Meditating Just Actually Sitting there with Eyes Closed

at 5:31 pm | By

What was he even doing?


man with dreadlocks meditating

Credit: Shutterstock

An investigation conducted by The Farce Report has uncovered the shocking truth behind one man’s so called “meditation” habit. It turns out Alan Kearns, who has been setting aside an hour each day to “meditate,” has actually been using that time to just sit there with his eyes closed the whole time.

“This really is unbelievable,” Emily Kearns, the wife of Alan, told reporters. For over 2 years Mr. Kearns ignored his wife everyday from 9 AM to 10 AM. An arrangement she allowed because she thought meditating meant “seeing a bunch of trippy shit or maybe going on some kind of mystical journey where you get to personally ask Buddha for advice,” but now that her husband’s deception has come to light, she feels she cannot trust him anymore.

When confronted by these allegations, Mr. Kearns broke down into tears and also admitted his dreadlocks are actually hair extensions and that he goes to McDonald’s every week following the vegan potluck he hosts for his yoga class.

Do you suspect you husband cheating? SHARE this article.