After hearing a friend’s stories of increased presents and entire weekends spent without being disciplined once, local 7-year-old Dylan Mathias was reportedly jealous his parents were not getting a divorce.
Mathias, whose parents have a loving, committed relationship, has grown tired of being picked up promptly after school to eat a sensible meal and work on homework with both of his parents.
“Johnny told me after his dad got caught getting his tummy kissed by a lady at the movies, he gets the whole house to himself until his mom comes home from her extra job at 10 pm! He plays video games all day and has pancakes for dinner every night!” Mathias told reporters before shouting “I want my dad to get his tummy kissed by a foot locker employee at the movies!”
At press time, Dylan was hearing about the prospect of two Christmases, and devising a plan to split his parents up. Want you parents to get divorced? SHARE this article.