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Chris Christie Promises to Eat the Competition

at 12:39 pm | By
chris christie

(Photo by Getty Alex Wong)

Chris Christie has added his name to the long list of candidates running for president on the Republican ticket. The New Jersey governor made the announcement at his old high school auditorium surrounded by what he called, “the most delicious looking supporters he’s ever seen.”

As Christie took to the stage, he removed his bib and waved to the cheering crowd of “future meals,” as Christie called them. After catching his breath, some twenty minutes after escalating the three steps onto the stage, Christie announced his bid for presidency.

“Here you me, my delectable friends, I will not only eat the competition, I will devour them with a side of bacon and a small drizzling of herbed butter. Because when it comes to taking care of this country, you need a full stomach.”

Christie then addressed such issues as unemployment (he will eat the unemployed), immigration (he will eat the immigrants), and Wall Street (he will eat the fat cats), before stopping his speech short to attend to his second lunch.

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