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Colorado Court Forces Bakery to Serve Gays and Blow Them

at 1:52 pm | By

Fudge packers ordered to pack fudge.

The Colorado Court of Appeals ruled Thursday that a bakery could not refuse service to same sex couples that wanted to order wedding cakes. The ruling affirms prior decisions, but goes further in one specific regard– the Court of Appeals ruled that all noncompliant business would have to atone for previous discrimination through a period of compulsory homosexuality.

“It is not merely enough to change one’s behavior after inflicting injustice upon a minority group,” the court’s ruling read, “In order to truly set the scales of justice even, those with past violations must understand the lives of those they hurt. In this case by doing a bunch of gay stuff including but not limited to the following: mouth stuff, butt stuff, hand stuff, rusty trombone, gay sexting, scissoring, 69’ing, and that thing where you put your hoohaa through a popcorn bag and another guy sucks it.”

At press time, the homophobic owners of cake shops across Colorado were enjoying one last meal with their families before having court ordered butt stuff and being disowned by their families.

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