News so real... it probably isn't

Controversial Lethal Injection Drug Pulled For Containing Traces of Arby’s

at 9:35 am | By

Lethal Injection Room

(Photo by Creative Commons / CSCorrections / flickr / Mike Mozart)

The 8th amendment to the U.S. constitution prohibits cruel and unusual punishment.

This has caused much debate about the legality of lethal injection drugs, but when a test revealed trace amounts of big beef n’ cheddar, a consensus was reached instantly: that’s definitely not ok.

The manufacturer claims the addition stops the heart better than almost any substance on earth, and in some cases causes the soul to flee the body before the condemned is even dead.

But despite their reasoning the debate was settled in minutes. “You can’t inject someone with Arby’s. You just can’t. I don’t even think they should allow children or mentally disabled to eat it,” said one UN Peacekeeper.

A medicinal replacement for the liquid “meat” and “cheese” death serum has yet to be found, but the leader in testing is said to be a highly toxic mix of ground up Tosh.0 headshots and Banana flavored Bud Light that eliminates the will to live faster than the brain can register pain.

Share