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Dad Shocked to Catch Son Looking at Food Porn

at 6:51 pm | By

“I learned it from you, Dad!”

 

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Area Father Alan O’Malley was shocked to catch his 14-year-old son looking at food porn, earlier this week. O’Malley first suspected his son, Bobby, of this habit when his wife began losing her copies of Bon Appetit and Food and Wine magazine at an alarming rate.

“At first, I thought I was starting to come down with dementia at a young age,” Mrs. O’Malley joked before her demeanor turned serious, “and then we found it. Under his bed he had cut out what he wanted from my magazines. I don’t even want to know what he was doing with them. I found a picture of braised lamb with a balsamic reduction stuck to a recipe for authentic Paella Valenciana accompanied by a medley of wild prawns.”

After that incident Alan O’Malley started monitoring his son’s internet history. He discovered Bobby was googling well known food network personalities, but none of the hot ones.

“If he was searching Giada De Laurentiis, or even Rachel Ray, I’d understand — boys will be boys after all. But he was searching for the Barefoot Contessa!” An exasperated O’Malley told reporters.

“I was holding out hope that I was wrong about him being a foodie until I walked in on him reading obscure food blogs. I couldn’t believe my little boy was learning about duck confit! At his age I had no idea what that was. I was considered adventurous for having sweet potato fries back then!”

Mrs. O’Malley was just as taken aback by her son’s behavior. “My husband showed me one of the videos Bobby was watching. People were doing things to corn I had never even imagined.”

And, while she does not agree with his lifestyle choices, the matriarch of the O’Malley family admitted she would support her son unconditionally.

“I should have known he was headed down this path when he started asking where I ‘sourced’ my dinner ingredients from. When I told him I got them from Safeway, he just rolled his eyes at me. I never considered the possibility that I would be raising an annoying foodie, but I guess I have to accept my son for what he is.”

The same could not be said for Mr. O’Malley, who was having a harder time accepting his son’s culinary orientation.
“I love my son, but I just — At our family barbecue last weekend, I handed him some mayonnaise for his burger and he scoffed at me and asked if there was any roasted garlic aioli. He asked for aioli!” O’Malley paused to wipe tears from his eyes “He embarrassed me in front of my whole family. I mean, where did he learn this kind of snooty behavior?”

At this point, our interview was interrupted by Bobby O’Malley who, overhearing his father, burst into the room to shout “I learned it from you dad!”

When asked to clarify what he meant, the younger O’Malley explained “My father thinks I don’t know that he’s sneaking off to that new gastropub downtown every night. Oh sure, he stops at McDonald’s and scarfs down a quarter pounder to throw me off the scent, but I can smell the mango cardamom turkey meatballs on his breath. I didn’t ask to be like this. You did it to me dad!” the teen explained to his now completely sobbing father.

He continued, “Even when I was younger, I remember him disappearing on food adventures. He would come home reeking of foie gras and come up with a lame excuse like ‘I was working late’ or ‘I’m having an affair,’ but I knew what was really going on.”

At press time, it appears the O’Malleys were on the path to reconciliation. After a stunned Alan apologized to his son, the pair sat down and bonded over their favorite movie, “Debbie Does Dallas.”

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