After decades as man’s best friend, a new report claims that dogs have dropped from their top spot. On Thursday, a study found that dogs are actually just “furry morons that leach off the humans.”
The scholastic community has not yet embraced the report’s findings due to the fact that a cat published the report.
Critics also noted that much of the report was unreadable do to the cat’s terrible penmanship and inability to operate a computer or any word processing software. But the report’s summary was abundantly clear: dogs are useless, smell like burnt sewage, often steal from humans, and serve no purpose other than keeping fleas well fed.
When reached for comment, the dogs we contacted were unaware of the report and remained upbeat about nearly everything.