News so real... it probably isn't

Ecstasy Approved to Treat Anxiety and Prude Girlfriends

at 2:58 pm | By

In medical news, doctors are beginning trials of ecstasy and MDMA to help treat patients with anxiety and prude girlfriends. The research group, a collection of doctors without shirts that work primarily in the Coachella valley admit that using ecstasy will make you feel, “very chill and sexy,” two great things for patients with anxiety and uptight girlfriends.

The drug, which is typically used when young adults are interested in “peaking” and drinking a lot more water than they should, has shown signs of anxiety-reduction in a small group of ravers at an EDM concert. Along with the drug, doctors are recommending a steady dose of glow sticks, fuzzy boots, Dr. Seuss hats, and- especially- a whole lot of bass.

Doctors have also noticed that the party drug helps their prude girlfriends loosen up and want to rub like, everything all over their bodies. While it’s a long time before the FDA approves ecstasy as an anti-anxiety drug, doctors in Coachella valley are recommending you call their buddy Spencer, because he has the “dopest sh*t.”

Want some ecstasy? SHARE this article and we’ll hook you up.