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Employee’s Grandma Won’t Stop Dying on Mondays

at 11:40 pm | By



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For the fifth consecutive week, Larry Jordan’s grandmother has died. The inconvenience has left the local Sprint Mobile short-handed for the fifth week in a row. “It’s really unfortunate for both Larry and the company, because we’ve all had to pick up a lot of extra weight around here with him gone. But, hey, I remember when my grandma died, and that was really rough stuff,” said Sprint Mobile manager Henry Lander.

When it came into question how Larry had five grandmothers, the employees on staff that day, came up with several viable scenarios including two sets of gay grandmothers, one divorced and re-married. Another theory was plotted out in the break room with the community cork-board used as a make-shift family tree. The tree showed how, if Larry’s grandparents were straight, how five grandmothers were possible including three divorces, and a supposed mother that later revealed that Larry’s older sister was actually his mother. That mother, of course, being a nanny that would have then acted as a grandmother even though not blood related.

When one employee, who had been taking customer service calls that Larry usually took suggested that he was lying, they were quickly dismissed. “How could you even think of something so absurd?” asked Lander, “I can’t imagine what Larry is going through right now. I just thank God we can still pay him for the day because of our lax death-in-the-family policy.”

Jordan was unable to comment as he was so saddened by his fifth grandmother dying, that he had to spend the rest of his Monday at Six Flags with his two best friends.

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