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Everyone at Retirement Party Pretending They’re Going to Miss Jim

at 1:15 pm | By

But who would miss this a**hole?


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All the employees of Liberty Mazda in Wakefield, Massachusetts were pretending they were going to miss Jim Zorn at his retirement party this past weekend.

Zorn, who had worked at the company for 25 years, was not a particularly kind or welcoming coworker. Often he sexually harassed female employees, and was casually racist around the office. Yet his retirement party was fully catered and offered an open bar, ensuring full attendance from the rest of the Liberty Mazda staff.

“Miss Jim? Yea, I’ll definitely miss someone offering me rides on his ‘bologna pony’ every other day,” scoffed Patricia Brand, the car dealership’s accountant, while filling a Ziploc bag in her purse full of cocktail shrimp.

Eric Muhn, the company’s top salesman, was also happy to see Jim go. “He always called me Chinese, even after I politely corrected him and told him I was Korean. After that he just called me Oriental and kept asking me for my mother’s lo mein recipe.”

At press time, everyone in the company was tensely staring at each other after the CEO asked for volunteers to “say a few nice words” about Jim.

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