The board members of Pollutico Oil and Asbestos were wringing their hands this week as they watched for the 15th consecutive week their stocks drop. “Apparently,” said board member Malcom Hedington, “people are tired of these seriously evil corporations, and we were losing money fast.”
The company, best known for its 1992 debacle where is poured 70 tons of oil onto a bus full of children driving through the rainforest, sought an outside source to help save their company from complete failure. Jeff Rich, the new CEO of Pollutico Oil and Asbestos, believes he can save the company by one power move: denim.
While the board of 13 angry white men are all donned in the most expensive suits possible, Rich has worn the same pair of Bugle Boys since 1992, and they’re the key to his success. “When I slide these babies on, people pay attention to me.” Jeff Rich told The Farce Report, “You have no idea how many times people come up to me and ask, ‘are those Bugle Boy jeans,’ and I get to say that I’m a CEO, and of course they are.”
The announcement of Jeff Rich taking over as CEO of Pollitico already raised the corporation’s stock by 112 points in less than two hours. The rise came after a photo was released with Rich leaning on his desk, arms crossed with his jeans on. Real classy stuff.
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