The FDA has been kicking down doors lately, and fighting some food fibber’s butts. Recently they told the snack bar company KIND that they can’t call their snacks “healthy.” Today, they told Hot Pockets that they need to take the word “food” off their packaging.
The Hot Pockets brand has been avoiding this day since their first pepperoni and cheese pocket came out the microwave and burned its first tongue. “We had a good run,” claimed a spokesperson from Nestlé, owner of Hot Pockets. “We almost had enough people convinced that these old shoe soles were actually edible. But damn you, FDA!”
Meanwhile, the FDA continues to fight the good fight by helping expose the truth behind some of our favorite foods.
What’s next? We asked FDA administrator Trevor Pillinger. “There’s nothing Grrreat about Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes, and we intend to make Kellogg change that slogan. We’re hoping something like, ‘They’re Grrratiously Sugared Corn Products with Very Little Nutritional Value for Children Who Need to Grow.” Trevor cleared his throat, “We’re still looking into it though.”