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Homophobic Stoners Want Their Chick-fil-A

at 4:25 pm | By

“It’s just like… what?”


(Photo by shutterstock / Twitter / EatThisNotThat)

Photo by shutterstock / Twitter / EatThisNotThat

The Denver City Council recently delayed plans to allow a Chick-fil-A from setting up shop in the Denver International Airport due to the president of Chick-fil-A’s opposition to same sex marriage. This has many homophobic stoners very angry.

“Yo bro — when I’m traveling, you know I’m up on them edibles.” said one glassy-eyed Denver resident known to friends as Blaze. “And when I get the munchies, there’s nothing I like more than heading to an establishment that hates the gays as much as I do.”

Blaze has hated “the gays” for over two years now. “It all started when I dropped out of high school to pursue my dreams of being a low-life.” Many of Blaze’s low-life friends taught how to be intolerant of others while also enjoying that sticky-icky. “They taught me that being a straight white guy is the only bomb-ass way to live and I believed them. No reason to question that because it means I get to be bomb-ass.”

For other homophobic stoners, it’s less about being bomb-ass and more about the principle. “It doesn’t matter what that restaurant believes, they make the best munchies in town. If I so happen to hate gays, too, who cares?” said one disgruntled mother fishing in her purse for a joint.

When tallied, there were about 6 homophobic stoners currently living in Denver. Really, we can’t believe we wasted our time talking to them.

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