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Huckabee Will do Literally Anything For Attention

at 2:01 pm | By

“Seriously — dare me to do anything, and I’ll dare you to vote for me.”


mike huckabee holding a gallon of milk

Credit: Ty Wright/ Getty; Stuart Monk/

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee told reporters that he would be willing to take gay marriage opponent Kim Davis’ place in jail, as part of a new campaign strategy to say and do a bunch of crazy shit until someone pays attention to him.

Huckabee, who cannot believe he is somehow not the craziest candidate running for President, fears being lost in Donald Trump’s bigoted, misogynist shadow. Over the past few months Huckabee has attempted to grab headlines by saying insane things like “Christianity is being criminalized in America” and refusing to support the abortion of a 10-year-old rape victim, but his campaign plans to step things up even further.

While Huckabee was expressing his willingness to trade places with Davis—who looks like she uses the tip of her braid to apply extra mayonnaise to every food she eats—Huckabee also added “but if jail’s not your thing, I’ll do whatever. I could chug a bunch of milk and see how long it takes me to throw up? Will that make you vote for me?”

At press time, Huckabee was challenging Ted Cruz’s campaign to “a fist fight to prove who was more religious” and considering calling Ben Carson the n-word during a debate to “lock down” the racist vote– which makes up approximately 70% of the Republican Party.

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