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In Health News: Nutritionists Agree, Beets are the Worst

at 12:03 pm | By

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The American Nutrition Association has come to an agreement: beets are the worst.

It’s no surprise to most, who have avoided the root vegetable that most closely resembles the taste of garbage. While others insist that roasting and pickling can help the devil of a food, it’s time that an organization that determines the nutritional aspects of a food revealed the truth.

“Beets taste like what it must be like to die,” said Dr. Lucy Alvero, “Every time I think of beets, it feels as though my soul is trying to escape my body and never return.”

When asked about beet juice, Dr. Alvero actually fainted, and stayed unconscious for several minutes. When she finally came to, she left us with some final thoughts. “Nutritionally speaking, beets are great, but God help me if one of those vile weeds comes near my mouth. So God Help Me!”

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