Skokie, Indiana- A local water fountain has said that it “won’t be forced to participate in the abomination that is gay marraige.” Citing the states new ‘religious freedom law’ recently signed by Gov. Pence, the water fountain said it will not be forced to act against its religious belief by any government.
“I just belief in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. It’s that simple,” said the drinking fountain located near the central restrooms. “I went into this business to provide a service to Indiana’s God fearing citizens. If a gay wedding tried to use my services, I would refuse because I am not going to participate in that sort of thing. They [LGBT community] can go slather themselves in oils and rub their pecs and bare bodies against each other elsewhere,” said the water fountain. “I don’t want to be forced to stare at their long, hard ceremonies or their chiseled, glistening cakes or even their muscular, mouthwatering floral arrangements,” said the fountain as it proceeded to squirt water into the mouth of a child. “What gives my joy is seeing that boys face as I fill him with my fluids. It would be a shame for that boy to be forced to share me with a couple of hard-bodied gays,” the fountain said.
News has spread quickly about the water fountain’s statement, leading to numerous scathing yelp reviews and even some violent threats. “This is a hate-spewing fountain!” But these comments have not shaken the fountain.
“The gay weddings can have water fountains. ‘Do what you want,’ I say. I’m sure you can find another drinking fountain that is separate but equal, so I can continue to provide services on to those with whom I agree.”
In a bizarre twist, a Kickstarter campaign has been launched to “aid the fountain in the fight against government-forced gay proselytization and prevent all service providers from being forced to offer services to all people as though they are equals.” The campaign has already received 2.5 million dollars.