Pepperoni declared newest “super food”
A study released Wednesday by the Domino’s Foundation for Nutritional Research has found that, surprisingly, pizza is better for you than vegetables. “Our research exposes a common and dangerous myth about nutrition: that vegetables are good for you. Our data suggests that individuals fed a cheese pizza every day, actually turned out to be much healthier than a similar person exposed to a vegetarian diet,” said lead researcher Peter P. Roni.
The DFNR study does appear to be thorough, taking place over the course of 4 weeks and enlisting 60 subjects, between the ages of 22 and 40. Each subject was closely monitored, having their weight and vital signs recorded every 4 days. Domino’s also provided a controlled environment for each group to live in. The 30 pizza eaters were housed in an Extended Stay Holiday Inn, served 2 balanced meals for breakfast and lunch and a cheese pizza for dinner, while the vegetable eaters were housed in a spooky, abandoned mansion near a forest full of starved, wild animals and were provided a bucket full of cucumbers from which they could eat at any time they desired.
“According to our numbers, pizza eaters were not only happier and healthier, but also much less likely to be eaten by wolves and bears. Furthermore, we determined that there was a direct correlation between eating pizza and sleeping soundly through the night, while eating a vegetarian diet was linked to waking every hour and tearfully begging to return to your home.”
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