This week, Kim Davis, a Kentucky clerk refused to distribute marriage licenses to same-sex couples citing “God’s authority,” on the matter. Her persistence in upholding the sanctity of marriage was staunchly supported by her three ex-husbands and her current husband.
“Kim Davis is a hero!” shouted her second ex-husband as he waved a Confederate flag. “Not enough people stand up for what they believe in. Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman who might love each other for a short time before deciding to divorce and marry each other’s best friends. We can’t have all these homosensuals (sic) mucking things up with their sword fights!”
“I agree with husband number 2,” said Davis’ first ex-husband. “Now I admit we didn’t see eye-to-eye at first, what with him sneaking around with my then wife and having sex with her in the barn right there with the horses. But now they I see he hates the gays as much as I do, I think we might get along. Ain’t nothing worse then a bunch of fools making marriage look like some hillbilly circus where anyone can marry willy-nilly.”
Davis’s third husband, William Terrence Nilly, couldn’t agree more. “Who do these gays think they is, ruining marriage for everyone? It’s a sacred act that shouldn’t be taken lightly. That’s why I’m only onto my fifth wife, and I’m only 23!”
Kim Davis’s current husband, husband number 4, could not be reached for comment as he was currently at court filing for divorce.
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— People magazine (@people) September 2, 2015