News so real... it probably isn't

Man That Hasn’t Exercised In 2 Years Drinks Gatorade

at 4:06 pm | By

“Electrolytes, baby!”

 

man drinking a gatorade at his desk

Credit: TJFritz

Local man Bart Franklin reportedly drank an entire 32 ounce, Cool Blue flavored Gatorade yesterday despite not having exercised in over two years.

The slightly overweight, 28-year-old man was thirsty after a long day of rearranging numbers on an excel spreadsheet and, rather than opt for water, chose a drink formulated specifically for athletes who have undergone strenuous, physical activity for at least 90 minutes.

Franklin, who often gets winded when the elevators in his building are down and he’s forced to walk to his 3rd floor office, took a big swig of the unnaturally blue colored beverage and shouted “nothing like those electrolytes baby! Really needed that!” to no one in particular. He then cornered a passing coworker to tell her a wildly embellished story about the one season of JV football he played in 10th grade.

At press time, Franklin was buying a 24 pack of Gatorade bottles at his local Costco because he’s “seriously considering starting crossfit,” though he will likely end up consuming the drinks while watching football and eating pizza.

Are you a Gatorade drinker? SHARE this article if you are!

Share