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Man That Hates Sports Thrilled for the Excuse to Start Drinking at Noon

at 3:08 pm | By

“If the TV has football, then I’m drinking.”


guy drinking a beer

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Area man Adam Fredricks was reportedly thrilled about the NFL season getting under way, despite taking no pleasure in watching sports. Instead, Fredricks, a functioning alcoholic, has been enjoying the excuse to start drinking at noon for the passed few weeks.

“I don’t really like football, I find it to be barbaric, but, when the NFL comes back, I can just show up at tailgates and start getting drunk, judgment free, sometimes as early as 9 am!” Fredricks told reporters while drinking from a big gulp filled with vodka and orange soda.

Fredricks’ has also taken to the habit of attending other sporting events to participate in his particular brand of clandestine substance abuse. He’s been traveling to local colleges to drink on Saturday mornings and has even begun attending little league games with a travel mug full of grain alcohol. Though he was clear to mention he was not attending his son’s little league games, as he lost custody of him after his 4th D.U.I.

At press time, Fredricks was being escorted off the premises of a local high school, after he was discovered shot gunning Bud Ice tallboys in the bleachers during a JV soccer practice.

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