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Many Roman Catholics Shocked Jesus Isn’t Italian

at 11:00 am | By
Annibale_Carracci -Christ_Wearing_the_Crown_of_Thorns,_Supported_by_Angels

(Image Credit: WikiCommons/Annibale Carracci)


After hundreds of years of worship, prayer, and guilt, many Roman Catholics were astonished to learn Jesus Christ was not an Italian. “But he looks so close to my nephew Anthony,” one member of St. Clement Basilica of Rome, argued. “And he’s a good boy.”

Of the over 60 million people living in Italy, just under 50 million are Roman Catholic. Every single one of them willing to swear Jesus was an Italian. Father Joseph Pepitone, a member of the church for over 40 years even had trouble accepting Jesus’ origins. “Listen, this guy, he loves his mother, he’s having big dinners with red wine and bread, he’s helping out prostitutes. That sounds Italian to me.”

Other members of the church decided to talk to Pope Francis and, perhaps, change the story of the Bible to include Jesus’ Italian origin. When questioned as to how the Pope could help, one larger member of the church with a pinstriped suit told us, “We’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.”