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Murderer Earns Diploma to Hang in Prison Cell for Life

at 1:43 pm | By

Dr. Inmate 222827b3


prisoner holding his diploma

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Last month a trio of prisoners beat a group of Harvard students in a debate, and it took the internet by storm. They were part of the Bard Prison Initiative that brings higher education to inmates. But they’re not the only ones that are making a big splash within prison walls. Jacob Flannery, excuse me, Dr. Jacob Flannery just earned his PhD in Biomedical Engineering with a concentration in neuroengineering. The mass murderer could not be more proud of his accomplishment. “I always had a large interest in the body and especially nerves.” Dr. Flannery said behind a thick layer of plexiglass, “Ever since I violently dismembered my first victim in 1992.”

After Dr. Flannery pleasantly recalled several of his murders, I was able to direct the interview back to his degree and what he planned to do with it now that he graduated. “Well, I’m serving 6 life sentences, so I’m not applying for any jobs yet,” he laughed, “But I’ll tell you, in a maximum security prison like this, you can earn a lot of respect being a doctor. Several gangs are trying to buy and sell to me as we speak.”

Many of the prisoners use their education to advance themselves within the prison walls — even a bachelors degree can help you get first in line at the cafeteria.

Many taxpayers argue however that their money should be spent on better things than educating prisoners. “I don’t like the idea of using my tax dollars to treat these prisoners like human beings. It’s despicable,” said Tricia Hoyler, “My son graduates high school next year, and financial aide is out of the picture for us. Which means massive student loans that will leave him in horrible debt for the rest of his life, or having him commit a crime that will hopefully get him into a good prison system. Either way, his future is f*cked.”

Dr. Flannery isn’t affected by taxpayer’s complaints. “Can’t they just enjoy the fact that I get to hang a diploma on my prison cell wall for the rest of my life? These taxpayers get me so angry. If I ever get out of here, I’ll dismember all of them!”

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