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National Clown College Debt Exceeds 3.4 Billion Animal Crackers

at 1:24 pm | By



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People not funny enough to do improv and not talented enough to become mimes across the nation are reeling as reports indicate that the National Clown College Debt has exceeded over 3.4 Billion Animal crackers.

This news comes as no surprise to Acorns the Clown who graduated Magna Clown Laude as a Getting Hit in the Nuts and Making a Funny Face major at the Clowniversity of Pennsylvania, 5 years ago.

“It used to be a clown bachelor’s was good enough to buy a house and a tiny car to fit your wife, children, and 14 of your closest friends inside of, but those days are long gone,” a thirsty Woodley paused to take a drink from the flower on his lapel.

“Today you need a clown master’s just to tie balloon animals in a mall food court. Shoot, a friend of mine has his Doctorate in Clownosophy and he can’t get pied in the face to save his life.”

Woodley claims he owes over 10,000 animal crackers himself, which he says doesn’t even take into consideration the private loan he had to secure from Loan Shark the clown to cover his whoopie cushion costs.

Woodley told reporters that, economic realities being what they are, he was seriously considering abandoning his “silly” dream and starting a more respectable career as a guy that beats off horses for the zoo.

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