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Nations Wives Prepare To Be Ignored for Next Few Months

at 12:53 pm | By

“It’s a blessing in disguise.”


man watching football with friends while wife ignored

Credit: Maddie Meyer /Getty Images (L); Shutterstock (R)

It’s the moment everyone’s been waiting for all summer, the start of football season. It’s that time of year where all American husbands collectively turn off their brains, yell at inanimate objects, and ignore their wives for 12 weeks straight. Subsequently, it’s also that time of year when all the wives in America can finally get back to running the country and getting real sh*t done.

“As much as I love my husband incessantly groping at me all summer while I’m trying to maintain my hydroponic garden, it will be great to have him off my back for a little bit — quite literally.” said Stacy Callahan, local wife married for 15 years. “I’m very deep into a thesis for a masters in biology, so I’m glad he has this little inconsequential game to distract him.”

Other wives are feeling quite the same. As Linda Basset confessed, it’s a great time for women to concern themselves with more feminine pursuits. “When John, my husband, has his friends over they think I leave the room because I don’t want to hear them talk about ‘real issues’ which usually involve trading of players and cars. Really, I’m just finding time to enjoy my Oxford Studies in Political Philosophy and reading about Ethics. I’m on volume 3 and its quite thrilling!”

Not all women read though. Some attend PTO meetings or concentrate on their small start-ups that will ultimately trump their husband’s dead-end job. “Then, finally, my husband can stop working and can focus on what truly matters to me: his body.”

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