MANCHESTER, TN – One of the largest marijuana studies ever conducted just wrapped up at the Bonnaroo Arts & Music Festival and the results are somewhat confusing.
The popular summer sweat fest proved to be a perfect test site due to the thousands of subjects high as balls — and researchers didn’t have to provide one ganja leaf of the controlled substance.
But when it comes to results, things didn’t go so well.
“We hoped to answer a lot of questions about how cannabis affects the brain. Instead, we got answers to questions we didn’t ask,” said one dejected researcher.
The study’s disappointing findings included:
“Socks are like underwear for your feet, man.”
“Jet skis would be way cooler if they were called ‘boatercycles’.”
“What’s the difference between an elephant and a pothead?”
“It would be super un-chill if belly buttons could come untied.”
“Are eyebrows facial hair?”
The study was not a complete failure, though. The results were conclusive enough to prove that Billy Joel is still beloved despite his recent admission that he did, in fact, start the fire.
This is what happens when scientists go to a music festival…