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New TSA Guidelines Now Prohibit All Comfort On Planes

at 5:39 pm | By

In an effort to thwart terrorist activity, TSA has implemented a new set of guidelines that will prohibit all comfort on planes.

The new TSA guidelines will include new seat belts, smaller overhead bins, and a switch in US air marshal code, among several other uncomfortable changes.

Most airlines were happy to make adjustments while raising ticket prices to accommodate the passengers.

uncomfortable plane

(Photo by BigStock / pictore)

Learn about the 20 new TSA guidelines in our slideshow.

New Seat Belts

From my friend "He drank an entire bottle of some duty free alcohol. Then he tried grabbing the women who were sitting next to him and screaming that we're going to crash. Finally he started choking a guy next to him and that's when a huge crowd restrained him and tied him up. This was 2 hours into a 6-hour flight so I've been listening to him wail forever. Waiting for the cops to board the plane now."

These new seat belts will keep passengers safer while making their journey almost completely unbearable.

New Baby Features

the last three flights I've been on have had screaming children non-stop. My original solution was a Child Ejection Hatchâ„¢, but friends thought it was a bit extreme. This is my compromise.EDIT: For the record I am childless. This is for all the jerks who let their kids lose it. I don't care about your excuses, you're in an enclosed space with a room full of strangers. Manage your tiny jerkwads.

Terrorists love the sound of crying babies, so TSA has insisted on getting babies, and toddles, as far away from the inside of the plane as possible.