Citing a need for increased professionalism following CNBC’s mishandling of last night’s debate, the GOP has announced Nickelodeon will be hosting the next Republican Presidential Candidate faceoff.
Nickelodeon has already announced the debate’s moderators will be Summer and Sandra, two popular, 14 year old girls, who promise to ask the tough questions and not let the candidates off the hook.
The Farce Report was granted an exclusive look into the notes of these two, ruthless young moderators. Here is a list of the questions they plan to ask each candidate.
To: Chris Christie
“Why are you so gross?”
To Donald Trump:
“Your hair, like: explain”
To Mike Huckabee:
“Do you have any idea how uncomfortable you’re making us?”
To Carly Fiorina:
“You’re clearly a grandma now, but were you even cute when you were younger”
To Ben Carson”
“You’re a doctor? So like a nerd? Ew.”
To Jeb Bush”
“Jeb sounds like the name of a dumb guy. That’s not really a question, but whatever”
To Bobby Jindal:
“Do I weigh more than you?”
In addition to these being bullied by two teenage girls, each candidate will have to be extra careful with the policy positions they take during the debate as anyone hinting at raising taxes or allowing women to have control of their own reproductive health will be slimed.
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