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Obama Makes First Trip to South Dakota, Immediately Regrets It

at 11:00 am | By

PIERRE, SD – President Obama recently completed his tour of the continental US with a brief stop in South Dakota where he gave an uncharacteristically frank speech.

President Obama: Uh, I didn’t even want to give a speech since there are only 7 of you here, including that dead horse over there, but what the hell.

I should’ve known this place would be emptier than an STD store when I read your state nickname was ‘The Mount Rushmore State.’ That slap-d*ck rock pile shaped like 4 dead white guys wouldn’t be a top tourist attraction in rural Iraq, but for your guys it was either that or the lady with the moles over there, so good call I guess.

Your chief export is what, corn and boredom? Your state flag should be a guy sleeping in Dodge Stratus on the side of the road.

Oh, the horse was just sleeping. That’s good. Maybe I can ride that thing out of here. Let’s go.

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