So. I’m white. BIG DEAL! So are, like, a million other people!
OMG. I watched this stupid MTV documentary White People and it TOTES not me. First, I couldn’t even watch it on the flat screen in the living room because Mom was watching Scandal reruns, so I had to go into den to watch on that flat screen, which sucked because the leather couches are like, so uncomfortable. Anyway, after FINALLY figuring out how to get the Apple TV to work (can’t someone fix this thing?), I watched MTV’s #WhitePeople.
This show was wrong in so many ways, and I must not be white if that’s what these people think white people are. Here’s how:
White people only hang out with white people:
YEAH RIGHT! That’s sooooooo untrue. So many people I know aren’t white. My tutor is Asian, our gardner is like, Puerto Rican or something! And my best friend Sierra has like a foreign exchange student living with her and I even talked to her once.
White privilege exists:
Maybe for you it does, but not for me. SRSLY. Cops pull me over and let me off the hook like everyone else. If I don’t do my homework, my teacher only lets it slide three or four times before he’s like, “Okay Marisa, if your homework is not in by the end of the week, you’re going to be in big trouble.” But, honestly, I’m not too worried because my Dad went to Harvard (go Crimson!) and he already has an in for me there, so even if I get like an B minus, it’ll still be cool.
White people don’t discuss race:
That’s cray cray! My family talks about race ALL the time. LIKE way too much. My Dad is always like, “these damn Arabs…always stealing our jobs and such” and “Barry only has his job because he’s black.” And he’s not racist — he’s just stating facts and a universal truth on what’s happening in the world. So don’t tell me white people don’t talk about race.
There’s no disadvantage to being white:
No way, there are plenty of disadvantages. Like, everyone wants to hire you for work. Come on! I don’t want to work, I have a trust fund I can use! Also — people immediately think you’re rich. Like, don’t stereotype me like that. Ugh.
White people can continue to live their life without thinking twice about anything.
Okay, so I’m always thinking twice about my actions. Just last week I had to choose between going to Sierra’s beach house and getting my hair high-lighted, because my Mom didn’t want to take me during the week. And it’s like, “Mom just give me your credit card and I’ll go myself.” But she wouldn’t. So, I decided to go to Sierra’s and high-light my own hair, which turned out fantastic, but I still wonder what would happen if I had Candice my colorist do it instead.
I am very rarely asked to speak on behalf of all the people of my racial group.
Uhm, hello, I wrote (and you are reading) this article, right?
Whatever. Watch the documentary and decide for yourself:
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