News so real... it probably isn't

OPINION: Why in Hell is a Black Person Running as a Republican?

at 3:20 pm | By

“Now, hold up.”

(Photo by shutterstock / Getty / MANDEL NGAN)

(Photo by shutterstock / Getty / MANDEL NGAN)

I turned on the debates last night to get a few laughs and all, and what in the hell did I see? A black man running as a Republican? How in the…what in the…

I swear my jaw dropped to the floor because that makes no sense at all. That’s like a white dude putting on black face and heading to the Apollo for comedy night. It’s as ludicrous as Ludacris playing hockey or joining the swim team. That ain’t supposed to happen — black people need to stay away from water, frozen or not.

That’s straight-up NWA chilling with Klan members at an Urban Outfitters in Harlem after a Saturday brunch. It’s a Mexican family thinking one kid’s enough and a Chinese telling their child if they don’t like violin, they can quit. Yo, you can’t quit violin. You Asian, dawg. That’d be like a white girl being a member of the NAACP. Hmmm, aw sh*t they got us on that one, didn’t they?

Ben Carson must be a robot here to trick us into becoming Republicans, but I ain’t buying it. There’s gotta be something going wrong. Yo, I thought Rachel Dolezal was black, I know. Fool me once, white people, but you ain’t going to fool me again.

SHARE your thoughts, dog, this sh*t is weird.