Smiling through the burn in his calves, sweaty, out-of-breath man Todd List told reporters he regretted listing “hiking” as an interest on his OkCupid profile. The 38-year-old List—who had completely sweat through his shirt, with the exception of two dry spots where his nipples were located—was on his first date with Jenny Grant, a local school teacher.
“Basically no girls had messaged me back in 6 months. When Jenny said she wanted to hang out and suggested hiking, I was too nervous about blowing it to say no, so I agreed. I should not have.”
Indeed, List spent the majority of his day periodically falling behind Ms. Grant and then sprinting to catch up with her, pathetically trying to make a connection before his doughy body failed him again.
At press time, List was walking Grant back to her car, where he planned on going in for a kiss. Reports indicate Grant was fully prepared to turn this attempt into an awkward hug.
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Todd was desperate, but not this desperate.