A recent poll released by SurveyUSA has predicted that, if the presidential election was held today, Donald Trump would beat Hillary Clinton by a margin of 45 to 40 percent. Though Trump’s numbers have garnered the most attention from mainstream media outlets, we here at the Farce Report have studied the full poll results. Here are 15 of the most interesting findings:
75% of those voting for Trump also answered “Yes” to the question: “Is Barack Obama a Hawaiian Muslim from Kenya?”
22% of Trump supporters believed it would be relatively easy to dig a hole to China.
60% classified racism as “prtty chill.”
90% thought it was unnecessary to “have hair that behaves normally when interacting with the wind.”
The same percentage of people who would vote for Trump were also convinced televisions house tiny people that put on plays.
The Rest of the GOP
50% of Ted Cruz supporters were unsure whether the Earth revolved around the Sun or vice versa.
42% of Ben Carson supporters wouldn’t actually vote for him during the general election, because, “c’mon you know why.”
Jeb Bush received the highest percentage of votes from people that weren’t paying attention to the news from the years 2000-2008.
30% of respondents thought Carly Fiorina was a Food Network chef that specialized in spaghetti alla carbonara dishes.
16% percent of those surveyed answered “dead” to the question “Is George Pataki alive or dead?”
The Democratic Field
33% of those taking part in the survey said they would not vote for Bernie Sanders for “Jew related reasons.”
Interestingly, 7% of those that would vote for Sanders were under the impression that he was related to Colonel Sanders, of KFC fame, and were hoping to receive tax rebates in the form of buckets of popcorn chicken.
100% are completely confused as to why we pronounce an ‘R’ in the word Colonel.
80% of the people voting for Martin O’Malley did not understand how the phone survey worked and were actually attempting to order a pizza.
The other 20% of those voting for Martin O’Malley were Martin O’Malley and one of his children.
100% of Hillary Clinton supporters can’t believe she’s blowing it again.
12% of the survey respondents were elderly people that weren’t really familiar with politics, but were just happy to talk to someone on the phone.
81% of Americans thought Kanye West already was the president.
14% of American women are currently avoiding a man named Carl.
32% of Americans forgot about 9/11 even though they promised… PROMISED they’d never forget.
46% of Americans thought 50 Shades of Grey was a little dense.
10% of American men might, maybe, probably brushed their teeth this morning.
13% of Americans pretty convinced they could fly, they just don’t want to.
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What else did SurveyUSA say about Americans? Quite a lot!