BORSCHT, RUSSIA – The land of vodka and ice-skating hasn’t exactly been a pillar of freedom lately, and that trend appears to be continuing as Russia cracks down on charities.
Putin wore his traditional sweaty grimace when addressing the media to explain why his ministry started classifying prominent Russian philanthropies as “foreign agents” – a potentially fatal classification for the groups.
“Is like hilarious fat American cat by name of Garfield,” Putin said. “Cat take and take, eating many lasagna. Weak man Jon wear many shirt and have no control. I know Jon, I remove shirt now, remove groups tomorrow.”
Putin apparently became a fan of the dated American comic while bedridden in recovery from an autoerotic asphyxiation accident and has begun working Garfield into his addresses with little to no explanation.
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Vladimir Putin hates all things American. Everything except one cartoon cat.