“Fetuses look like aliens. We’re cool with it.”
Concerning the 14th Amendment, giving legal citizenship to anyone who is born in the United States, Republicans are concerned that Trump’s new campaign against birthright citizenship will win him the presidential ticket. So to combat this, Republicans voted in the House today to require mandatory abortions for any pregnant illegal immigrants.
The move will help keep birthright citizenships low so Trump doesn’t have an angle during debates. The bill was spearheaded by Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, both lagging in the polls for president and looking for any potential help they could get.
While both are pro-life, anti-abortion politicians, they found this to be the one, and only reason to abort a fetus. “They’re not real humans anyway,” said Ted Cruz, “They’re aliens, and if we know anything about aliens, they’ll come screaming out of our stomachs, try to take over the world, and possibly even blow up the White House. I saw that in a documentary, anyway.”
When asked how exactly this would be policed, Cruz suggested we make abortions mandatory with anyone with skin darker than a penny.
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