“Fine, we’ll treat these big, dumb fish in a humane way”
Shrugging and rolling his eyes, Sea World Parks & Entertainment CEO Joel Manby was visibly annoyed that people hadn’t forgotten about Blackfish, as he announced his company would be cancelling all Killer Whale shows for the foreseeable future.
“We’ve listened to our customers concerns and are taking steps to address them,” Manby told reporters while flaring his nostrils.
“No more small tanks for the Orcas, no more forcing them to do tricks. We’re gonna house them in larger, more natural habitats” the CEO told reporters through gritted teeth.
“Yup, that’s how I want to spend 50 million dollars. Buying these over grown fish bigger tanks so they’re not sad,” Manby’s voice began to tremble.
“Oh, God forbid the whales from the documentary feel sad,” he said, bringing both hands to his eyes and rubbing his cheeks in a classic “crybaby” gesture.
“Everyone’s a f*cking scientist after 90 minutes with Netflix now, huh?” at this point, Manby was screaming at the top of his lungs and was only calmed down after a woman in a wet suit dangled a whole salmon in front of him.
At press time, Manby promised to treat the Orcas humanely, but made it very clear that, should visitors stop attending the park, he would be personally slaughtering every Killer Whale himself and selling their blubber for a new yacht.
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