“But he was so good to me…”
Local basic b*tch, Amber Franklin was shocked to discover that the Italian staple, pizza, also dated thousands of other generic white girls yesterday.
Franklin, who only heard about feminism after Emma Watson started talking about it, was so devastated that the delicious, cheesy food she listed as “her bae” on every social media site was seeing other women, that she decided to get a Marilyn Monroe quote tattooed on her hip.
“It says, ‘if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best’ and that goes for that cheating jerk pizza!,” Ambz—which Franklin insisted on being called—told reporters yesterday.
Ambz has since bounced back from the revelation, treating herself to a “mani/pedi,” and buying the complete DVD box set of Sex and the City, even though streaming services exist. It also appears she is already seeing someone new. At press time, she had replaced the pizza emoji in her Instagram bio with one of a pumpkin and a cup of coffee. Her bio now reads “Pumpkin Spice is my boyfriend.”
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