News so real... it probably isn't

Sorority Getaway “Like, Totally Devastated” By Hurricane Patricia

at 4:49 pm | By

 

sorority girl in hotel

Credit: Shutterstock

This is probably like, the worst thing to ever happen to me. I’m stuck in my hotel room in Mexico because of some stupid hurricane or something. It’s like the biggest tragedy of my life. This was supposed to be an amazing weekend with my sorority sisters and I can’t even see them because all their flights got postponed. I know I should have just flown with all of them, but I like, have to fly first class because I have a serious claustrophobia problem that my Dad is totally aware about so he always gets me the front row, first class seat. And of course, that’s like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me now.

Seriously, I’m stuck in a hotel because everyone thinks some rain is coming, and it’s like whatever, it rains all the time. Now I can’t even get a tan for formal. Even worse, the room service is taking forever! Like, where is all the staff? I mean, this is supposed to be a five star hotel and there’s barely anyone working here. Is this why everyone says Mexico people are lazy? It’s ridiculous. The lady who gave me my massage like didn’t even focus on my lower back where I am still dealing with a gymnastics injury from when I was 7. But don’t worry, I didn’t tip her.

So what else am I supposed to do? All the channels are in like Spanish or something? What is that about? I mean don’t they know that Americans come to vacation here? You think they would figure it out by now being a hotel.

This is seriously a disaster. Like catastrophic for my social life. Now I’m sure all my sorority sisters at back on campus having parties with all the guys from Alpha Phi, and someone is probably making out with Derek who is my crush. All I wanted to do was hook up with a few Mexico strangers so I felt like I had some experience, and now I can’t even do that because of this stupid hurricane. My life is literally over. I hope this hurricane destroys this stupid country —I’m so over it!

Hate category 5 hurricanes? SHARE this article!

Share